Tollisha Joseph Episode

In the latest episode of the Empowerography Podcast, my guest is Tollisha Joseph. Tollisha is the owner/founder of The Official Glue and the host of smallTALK and also a network strategist. I can recall the moment I became clear on what I wanted to accomplish in life, but the road of which I would take to achieve it was quite foggy. My first moment of clarity came when I suffered the devastating loss of my mother back in 2016. I was working as a server/ bartender/ hostess at a restaurant. I needed to take time off because my mother had been hospitalized for a simple cold and her health took a turn overnight it seemed. The feeling of having to choose between providing for my family and being there for my mother was totally destroying me. I remember having to balance the stresses of work and family for the entire time my mother was fighting for her life. Somehow I managed to work through the actual unknown, but once the reality set in that my mother was dying I knew I was going to have to make a change. In this episode we discuss opportunity, struggle, the idea that pain pushes purpose, networking strategy, social media, community and the C.A.R.E acronym.

I can recall the moment I became clear on what I wanted to accomplish in life, but the road of which I would take to achieve it was quite foggy. 

My first moment of clarity came when I suffered the devastating loss of my mother back in 2016. I was working as a server/ bartender/ hostess at a restaurant. I needed to take time off because my mother had been hospitalized for a simple cold and her health took a turn overnight it seemed. The feeling of having to choose between providing for my family and being there for my mother was totally destroying me. I remember having to balance the stresses of work and family for the entire time my mother was fighting for her life. Somehow I managed to work through the actual unknown, but once the reality set in that my mother was dying I knew I was going to have to make a change.

During the aftermath of my Mom's death I just couldn't come to terms with the fact that if I continued on this track I was going to end up having my children make the same decisions. I can recall being at work one night shortly after my mom passed and I got a customer complaint. When my boss asked me what happened I told him that I wasn't really in the best mindset. His response was what really started the flame within me to move, He said “that's not

The problem of the guest”. Although this is true, your personal life isnt the concern of your customers, it definitely should be the concern of the people you work with. I was expecting a bit more compassion from him since we had a relationship. I had told him every detail of this ordeal and what my family had to endure. Through it all I thought I was being a good employee by continuing to show up at work. At this time I decided to reduce my hours so that I could be there to support my Dad, he was falling apart. This was weighing heavy on me and I didnt want to be the product of a broken heart story. You know the ones you hear about where the wife died and the husband going soon after. In my mind I was making sure that everyone was satisfied, but I totally forgot to include myself in the satisfaction line.

Then came the straw that broke the camel's back, the ironic thing is it was a literal straw. I returned to working a full schedule and the pressure was so high that any little thing would have caused me to erupt. I entered the building that day and was met with disorganization, disrespect, and denial. This wasn’t your typical day, this was the day of reckoning, the heads were coming and the place wasn't ready for the visit. See there's something about Preparation that brings Clarity and to the contrary Disorganization brings Disaster. On this day I walked into the building and I felt my focus leave, sounds became mute, my vision was blurred and I suddenly found it hard to breathe. But, I am strong, at least that is what I told myself until I had a complete panic attack. Even through my own suffering I was trying to care for everyone around me. I told my coworker that I would be leaving and I didnt know if I would be coming back. As I made my way to the office to advise the person in charge that I needed to be relieved because of my inability to function. His response was “make sure you bring a doctor's note”.

Lets review, I'm a server, although I am making enough money to maintain a decent lifestyle normally. During this time my finances took a huge cut because in this industry if you don't work, you don't earn. So to make it mandatory for me to go to a doctor to tell me something I already know about myself just added to my panic. I do remember how Difficult it was to make the Decision to leave, but I will never forget the freedom that I felt when I did.

I knew that the next step was to figure out what was next. The one thing that made me the most anxious was not knowing what was next. The Fear was crippling, so I went into Preservation mode. I jumped right back into my comfort zone and started repeating the same mistake just somewhere new. I landed a new position at a latin restaurant, where I was the only member of the team that spoke fluid english. This place had great offers but the moment came where Frustration burned a Fire in me to move, so I anxiously left that position. I wasn't quite ready to bet on myself so i tried this thing one more time and had another short stay at a high end restaurant. What I realized at this point was that I definitely have the ability to attract a crowd and I can connect with anyone personally in a short time. I also realized that not everyone would appreciate my strengths and that they would try to beat me down at every turn. So I start to develop an escape plan.

I knew that I needed to build the Confidence to leave if I was really going to do it, so I started going to work an hour early everyday and finding strangers to speak to. I set a Goal of 20,

I needed to have 20 intentional conversations with complete strangers. With the pure intention of figuring out their deepest issue and seeing If I was able to create a clear thought for them within our brief conversation. Once I started to receive the same comment or reaction over and over again I realized that I had something worth investing in. The final conversation was the day that I became Clear on who I wanted to serve and how I wanted to serve them. At this time in my business, I wanted to teach kids in the transitional stage of their lives how to effectively communicate to create an impactful memory while in search of their prospective careers opportunities. Learning this skill will help them create leverage when competingin the highly competitive job market. 

Although I found Clarity in this moment, I do believe that the vision is becoming more clear as I travel on the journey. The one thing that keeps me on track, even though my track might have a few detours, is focus. Knowing exactly why I want to accomplish my goals is where clarity begins and focus is the force that pushes me in the direction to get them done. Writing my clarity story has revealed to me that maybe clarity isn't having a  map on how you will achieve what you set out to accomplish, but maybe it is the moment you realize that your goals are in clear view. Is it possible that we don't become clear on our goals until we are close to achieving them? At that point we are hit with the Oprah aha moment and realize that this is exactly what I was trying to do all this time.

I would like to attach myself the the definition of clarity that isn't in the top of the search but the one that states that clarity is ”the quality of being easy to see or hear, sharpness of image or sound”

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